What is it about eloquence that used to be so attractive? I know not - but I was always attracted to people who could speak and articulate well. May be it has got to do with my childhood - where I was very introvert in nature and always liked people who could do what I could not - TALK! And TALK WELL!
I was always lost in my own world - most of my thoughts revolved around fairly complex things for a 10 year old - about life, death, consciousness, existence, God and what not! May be that is one reason why I did not find the time to TALK and sharpen my 'communication' skills. And it was but natural that I started to grow fonder of people who could do that.
Then as I grew up, I have compromised on my inner quests - I had far fewer questions not because I found answers to those questions, but because I was convinced that I would not reach answers to them! And then I suddenly seemed to make time for 'interactions with others' in my life. And slowly I started opening up...
And then I entered the corporate life out of college as a fairly extrovert brash kid! Some kind people tried to guide me to be more diplomatic. They tried to teach me 'perception management' - they made me realize 'its not only important to do the work, but also ensure that people perceive it that way'.
It took me three years of effort - to figure out how to navigate the corporate maze! I learnt to make suave presentations and knew how to talk things that decision makers wanted to hear! I could marry the tech stuff along with packaging it to the audience to take note of what I was doing! Yes - I learnt the art of selling. I grew in confidence that I could convince people of anything that I wanted - by just playing with words, phrases and imagination!
I was getting more and more vocal every year - encouraged by the success of how I was able to convince people and make them see what I wanted them to see!
And then over the last few years somehow I just went into a shell - both in the corporate world and my personal life. Its as if the clock has been reset.
I was not born with eloquence, not born with the art of making friends, not born with ability to read people and emotions - I put in several years of hard work - worked on each 'flaw' meticulously over years to make some progress in some of these areas. And after working so hard for years, why is it that I just wanted to let go everything I learnt?
I wanted to build a system on true values which have intrinsic attraction to people - not just because a person can 'talk well' or 'present well'. I started to get a feeling that eloquence is just an ephemeral phase in one's life journey.
The person speaking those words and playing beautifully with phrases should really have implemented those in his life.
Words, I realize are carriers of great energy. They get charged with the energy of the person who speaks them. People gifted with the gift of the gab - can make fantastic speeches - but somehow they do not seem to be penetrating me anymore.
On the other hand, I seem to be paying a lot of attention to much simpler words but they come from people who have stood by what they preach in their own life! Now I do not know how I seem to know it - but I just seem to be able to differentiate between superficially fantastic stories vs. something that comes from 'within'.
Its a full circle. I seemed to have gone into a full shell - not speaking up much for over two years now. I have gone into a rather introspection mode - analyzing and understanding my own self.
The last three to four months have seen a different resurgence though - the itch to speak has come back again - but I know this is a different aggression in life - an itch with a far deeper purpose and meaning. I know deep inside me that I am aiming for a far greater goal I wish to achieve when I speaketh this time around!